By Cameryn Bentler
Disclaimer: The following column contains humor and “exaggerated” schemery – men with fragile egos should proceed with caution.
Ladies, have you ever had a guy so determined to sleep with you that he just wouldn’t take “no” for an answer? You’re not alone.
This past weekend, I had a long-overdue “appointment”- one I had been postponing for as long as possible. I gave in, got ready, walked all the way up to his room, and realized I just didn’t want to do it. With no explanation, I turned around and left. It was that easy, but it probably hurt the man’s ego.
Normally, would I care? Absolutely not. But I know not everyone can be as ruthless as I am; that’s what I’m here for! So, ladies, today I will tell you of the various (white) lies you can tell men to not sleep with them. According to my interviewees, many of these lies have been tested and executed with perfection each time.
Of course, there are the classics, such as,
“Oh, I’m on my period.”
Or “It’s getting late – and I’m tired.”
Or one of my personal favorites, “Oh my god!! Look over there!!” (then run far, far away).
Although most of these work, we know men can be relentless. The participating women had some very creative ideas.
When asked, “What are some lies you have told men to avoid sleeping with them?” All the answers were … pure evil genius.
One interviewee allegedly faked an accidental fall and even photoshopped herself in a hospital bed. (allegedly).
“I told him I fell down a flight of stairs … I made a whole shebang out of it. He was an odd man, and I felt bad … I snap-remixed a photo of me in a hospital bed...”
Another one (allegedly) told a man she couldn’t see him that night, as she would be leaving for her cruise the next day, even though wasn’t leaving for another month.
“Then I never talked to him again. As soon as he left my house … Stayed clear outta that!”
I know you may be reading this and thinking, “Wow, women are evil skanks!” Cue the loud incorrect buzzer.
ERRRRRRRR!! Wrong-o!
I may be evil, but these women aren’t. When asked what pushed them to such extreme solutions, both said it was due to their forcefulness. Let’s face it, some men just can’t seem to take a simple “no” for an answer.
You could always go the wicked, heinous, and … (let’s say) ‘female dog’ route and ruin their self-esteem, or you can just tell them little white lies to get them off your back.
To sum things up, here are some highlights that the women I interviewed propose:
- “I am ill, dying of an ailment.”
- “I fell down the stairs!!”
- “I’m leaving for vacation tomorrow, sorry...”
To clarify, “not all men” deserve schemery to this extent … most do.
Whether you are staging an injury (allegedly) or invoking an imaginary cruise destination to nowhere (allegedly!!). Use these lines with discretion, and if anyone asks, you do not know any of us.
Stay safe out there, and remember, you can always be cleverer with your lies. If you must look deceit in the face, you might as well have some fun!
