By Nicole Acevedo, Assistant Editor
Monday, February 8, 2021, marked the first day of this year’s S.E.X. Week at Western New England University, and it started with a bang. Bronx born Sex Educator Stephanie Zapata gave her presentation “The (Queer) Sex Ed You Never Got” to students via Zoom. Zapata opened the event by having the attendees introduce themselves and self-identifying with their pronouns, immediately making the atmosphere comfortable for all who tuned in.
Zapata jumped right into the presentation with, “I love talking about all things queer and all things sex,” but she emphasized that this was not a night based solely on queer sex education; it was a time of focusing on inclusivity and discussion.
While most sex education courses or presentations begin in the middle of the conversation — when sex is happening — Zapata draws the participants to the conversations that need to take place beforehand, because there is so much more to having sex than just doing it.
She posed the question, “Who is allowed to have sex?” and participants threw out numerous answers about certain ages, even a few people said “anyone,” and all of these responses were acceptable; however, Zapata highlighted that “people who are able to consent” is the most appropriate response.
Consent is the most vital component of sex. An individual needs to be able to make this choice freely, without pressure to do so, or else it isn’t consensual. For a lot of people, they assume consent is a “one and done” deal, but it’s not. Some people even believe that asking for it during sex can “kill the mood,” but there are plenty of ways to make asking for consent sexy. Think about it: dirty talk is one of the best ways to continuously check up on your partner without dampening the sexiness or intimacy. In fact, it’ll most likely make it better.
One of the main themes of Zapata’s presentation was open communication. Realistically, you need to be open with your partner for things to run smoothly and to avoid misunderstandings. It’s so easy to be focused on making your partner feel good, that you forget to ensure your own comfort in the situation. Don’t like something that they said or a position you were put in? It’s totally fine to let them know! As Zapata says, “From my head to my toes, I say what goes.”
Open communication is imperative in all situations in the bedroom, not just to keep the sexy talk and foreplay going, but to make sure your expectations are heard properly. The pressure of silent expectations is probably one of — if not the — most daunting emotions to deal with during intercourse. Sex has become an act of performance when it’s meant to be a moment of pleasure.
So, in case you aren’t aware, I am going to let you in on a little secret: porn is entertainment, not reality. Point, blank, period. The bodies, positions, sounds, and everything in between is just not realistic to expect from your partner, but with that said — if those are your expectations, you need to voice that. Not everyone is going to be able to perform for you the way your favorite pornstar will from your cell phone screen, and it’s unrealistic to expect them to do so without even mentioning it.
Sex should always be a pleasurable and consensual act for all parties involved. What you do in your own time is your own business, but take a few pointers from Zapata – she knows what she’s talking about.
