By Piper Sloane
The Kinky Kub is all about tackling dirty little secrets, questions, and dilemmas, but I think we should start with the one relationship (or lack thereof) we’ve all experienced: The Situationship.
Now, if you say you’ve never been stuck in this grey area before, you’re either 1. Lying or 2. God’s favorite, because this is the most common “relationship” out there these days.
For those of you who don’t know what a “situationship” is, it’s when you’re romantically and/or sexually involved with someone and there’s no label. You might better understand it if I tell you it’s the same thing as “friends with benefits” because come on, we’re in college and that’s the go-to title for “I wanna sleep with you, but not date you.”
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing — hell, I’ve been in a few FWB entanglements myself, but these casual hookups can only last for so long.
Friends with benefits is a comfortable place to be when you just want to have sex with someone a few times without having to actually pay them any love or affection outside of the bedroom. However, the late-night booty calls and “come over” snaps are eventually going to lead to the most dreaded aspect of any talking stage: The “what are we?” conversation.
I’ve gone through this conversation more times than I’d like to admit, and let me tell you, it never gets easier.
Some of you might think, “Why have the talk if things are going well?” or, “Why complicate the situation?” and the answer is because you can only sit on emotions for so long. FWB’s are cool to have for a few weeks, maybe even a couple of months at most, but once you’re hitting the four, five, six-month marks of sleeping with the same person, an emotional attachment starts to form.
Some people are better than others at keeping their emotions in check, but as soon as you start to see that person in a more intimate light — it’s over.
So, what do you do if you’re ever in this situation (again)? Do you ride it out, keep doin’ the nasty until they say something/cut it off? Or do you say “f*** it” and tell them where your head is at?
For me, I think the latter is always the best route. But, with that being said, I’ve definitely gone with the first option before, so no judgment if that’s the choice you make.
The way I see it is that if you have or are starting to develop feelings for someone, just tell them. I know, easier said than done, but worst comes to worst, they don’t feel the same and you can stop torturing yourself by trying to fill in all the blanks.
We all fear rejection and the thought of someone not reciprocating your feelings is shitty, but we’ve also all been there. It’ll hurt for a while, but at some point, the ache goes away and you move on. It’s important to remember that your time is valuable and shouldn’t be wasted on anybody that can’t or won’t give you what you want.
So: if you’re currently in a “situationship” and chillin’ without any issues, keep doing you. But, if you’re in this limbo and want something more, or even less, let them know. Don’t waste your time on people or things that don’t serve you. I promise it’s not worth it.
Piper x
