By Female, 19
Looking back on my freshman year of high school, I realize I was an entirely different person of who I am today. I was immature, naive, and trusting of everyone around me. I had been talking to this guy, who was a senior at the time, and I was a freshman. He was 18, I was 15.
My parents were okay with it, and me being only 15, nothing in my mind said this could have been a red flag. Actually, I was freshly 15 years old when I went on my first date with this guy at a movie theater.
December 2016, Christmas was right around the corner. He got me gift after gift, and sure enough, and having never been in a relationship before, I was smitten.
We had met in Chorus in High School. The combination of similar interests and him going out of his way to spoil me was positively reinforcing. Our dates were usually us hanging out in his room or hanging out at my house, and occasionally going out. I didn’t realize that he could maybe be overly clingy until he would literally not leave me alone.
We were basically “that couple” in school that was a little over aggressive with the PDA. Usually I felt uncomfortable, but I just let it happen. I really did like him after all, and I loved that he liked me too.
My friends didn’t like him at all. My best friend didn’t approve of us dating in the first place, but I ignored her feelings and brushed it off. Thank god I still have a relationship with her to this day, one of the strongest friendships I’ve ever had with a person actually. I should have known that she was just looking out for me — that’s what girls do after all; they stick together.
We had been dating for about four months when he bought me a ring, which I wore all the time through the rest of our relationship. He said that he couldn’t see himself with anyone else and that he could really see us having a future together. I was touched. I couldn’t believe that anyone cared about me as much as he did. We had always talked about getting married in the future, and he even said he wanted kids with me.
I was 15. He was 18.
This kind of commitment was WAY too much for me to handle at this point in my life, at this time of immaturity and development. Then again though, I would not be the person who I am today without the experiences I had while dating this person.
Many young women are taken advantage of each year in relationships, usually by men. My experience is a classic example of that. It took me almost three years of being with him to realize that I was abused, manipulated, and emotionally held hostage by this man who claimed to love me. I’m sharing my story because I don’t want ANYONE to have to go through all this pain that this individual has caused me.
He had subtly been bringing up the idea of sexual activity for a while, and I truly did think I wanted to be with him at the time, an idea so incredibly dangerous. I was 15 when I lost my virginity to him, and to this day I deeply regret that it was with him, and I didn’t wait until I was older. I thought I was ready, but he should have known better than to have used me like that.
Soon enough, we were having sex almost every time we saw each other, and I let it happen. Like I said, I thought I was in love. It took me way too long for me to realize I was in an abusive relationship, but I’m so glad I did.
I was almost 18 when I finally broke up with him after two and a half years of dating. I couldn’t take the emotional pain anymore. But I got over him so fast that when I realized I was free again, I was overjoyed. I felt like I had been handcuffed to him for all that time, and the burdens of his clinginess and manipulative behavior, the wanting to know what I am and what I was doing 24/7, the jealousy of every other male that I ever spoke two words to, I was fed up.
I truly mean when I say this that it is NEVER selfish to take time for yourself, and to make time for self care. You don’t owe anyone anything, and if anyone EVER tries to take advantage of you like this, know that it’s a red flag and you have the power to leave.
I know this takes courage, but if I could do it after almost 3 years, I believe in you. You can do it too. You don’t need ANYONE to love you romantically. I truly do believe that if you truly do love and accept yourself, you can do anything in this world.
