By Nyasia Rivera
TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains content related to sexual assualt and truama that some readers may find disturbing and/or triggering.
I would like to start this article off by saying that this is an extremely heavy subject to tackle. And I want every single fellow survivor who comes across this article to know that whatever you went through, no matter how big or small it was, it was not your fault. It never was and it never will be.
We as a society have an immeasurable issue with placing the blame on the victim and rarely on the assailant. You may have met people like that. It may have been your parents, your partner, your friends, or even yourself.
I’m here to tell you that those people have a harmful and skewed perception of the world, and what they believe is wrong and hurtful to every victim around the world. Remember: you are loved, you are appreciated, and you are worthy. Never forget that.
If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual assault, call RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network) at 800-656-HOPE (4673) for more in-depth information and help relating to your situation.
1 in 5 women. 1 in 45 men. Those are the current statistics for the likelihood of sexual assualt for women and men in the United States. Most of these assaults go unreported due to shame, guilt, and lack of legal assistance/success.
You might have decided to read this article for a multitude of reasons. You yourself might be a survivor, and you want to know how to heal from it. You might know someone who is struggling after being assaulted. You might be wondering what even counts as sexual assault, and if you’ve ever been assaulted.
The National Center for Victims of Crime defines sexual assault as the following: Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person’s body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person’s consent. The definition itself varies by state, but the general agreement is that consent was not established or obtained before the assault.
Unfortunately, many survivors do not report being assaulted, or seek treatment afterwards because of the stigma that follows sexual assault victims. Sometimes those they turn to try to minimize their trauma, or don’t understand, or simply do not believe it at all. Sometimes they believe that the assault was their fault.
“If I hadn’t dressed like that.”
“If I hadn’t gone to that party.”
“If I hadn’t done anything at all, not even looked in their general direction, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”
It is never the victim’s fault.
Sexual assault victims all process their trauma differently. You might feel like a hollow husk, a ghost of your former self. Your body might not feel like your own anymore. You might feel scared to leave your home, or certain places you once found comforting and inviting now scream danger.
How do you cope with that? How do you move on with your life after something so mind-breaking? This article exists to help you understand what happens to your mind and body after sexual assault, and how to move on in life as your own pace. This is not something that can be rushed or ignored, so give yourself the time you need to heal.
First things first: open up about what happened to you. This can be an incredibly terrifying ordeal. But talking to someone you trust, or someone who is willing to help you, like a therapist or a hotline, can help to lift a huge weight off of your shoulders. If you have a close friend or family member that you trust, someone who you know will be empathetic and supportive of you, reach out to them.
Hiding away can trigger feelings of shame and loneliness, which can spiral you down a path of depression and worthlessness. Being able to open up about your assault can help you get past the feelings of self-blame, especially if you have a strong support system in place.
Second: accept your emotions and feelings. Know that you are not alone, and what you may be experiencing is normal after a traumatic event. Feelings of guilt and shame may bubble up inside of you, and that’s okay. The key is to not let these negative feelings consume you, which is obviously easier said than done.
You might have unpleasant flashbacks to your assault, or nightmares. Certain things that might’ve had no meaning to you before may now invoke a feeling of dread or panic. (Examples: a certain location on campus or specific smells) I cannot emphasize this enough: this is normal. So many people believe that it’s wrong to feel certain emotions, or that they shouldn’t feel threatened if they encounter something that reminds them of their assault or rapist.
It’s okay to feel these things, to experience them. Sometimes they are outside of your control. But it’s absolutely vital to not let them consume you and dictate every day of your life.
Third: help yourself heal. We often treat other the way we treat ourselves. So I’ll ask you this: what might you recommend someone to do after they’ve been sexually assaulted? Obviously that’s a huge question to ask someone, but really think. You would want them to heal in the most helpful and effective way possible to them.
So now apply this to yourself. What would you say to yourself? Everyone heals in their own way. However, using things like drugs, alcohol, and self-harming as self-medication does not progress your healing. They are unhealthy coping mechanisms that can backfire very easily and make you fall deeper into negative emotions or emotional numbness. Some of the healthier things you can do to help yourself are:
Mindfulness meditation; connect with friends (and make new ones!); seek out a therapist or counselor for professional help; take a trip; learn a new hobby; practice self-care (remember that you deserve it).
I truly hope that this article helps you feel less alone in your thoughts. Sometimes the legal system does not bring us the comfort or justice we deserve. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.
As long as you know that it was not your fault, and you continue to be your own cheerleader, you’ll progress through the healing process at a good pace. Remember that this may last for months or years to come, but know that you are strong. You can persevere. You can do this.
