By Nyasia Rivera
Chances are, you’ve looked at yourself in the mirror at any given point in your life and felt unhappy with the way your body looked. We live in a world where there is a very small window of body types that are widely accepted, and it’s usually a body type that only a select amount of people possess. And even then, those who seem to have “the perfect body” also struggle with the same problem the rest of us do: body image.
Body image is defined as your own personal thoughts, feelings, and perceptions on the appearance of your body, whether it be aesthetics or sexual attractiveness. Having a negative body image of yourself can lead to low self-esteem.
So, what’s the correlation between body image and sex, specifically negative body image? Having a pessimistic outlook on your physical appearance can make you feel less comfortable with not just sex, but intimacy in general. You may feel more reluctant to take your clothes off or keep the lights on so that your partner cannot see the flaws that you’ve spent so much time studying.
Certain positions might seem daunting, so you’d rather stick to the basics so you’re not worried about how you look during sex. The less comfortable you are with your body, the less your sexual interactions will be engaging, intimate, and pleasurable. This could also lead to you feeling unworthy of receiving pleasure from a partner or having sex at all.
So, how do we counter this? After all, sex is supposed to help us and our partners feel good, so this could really put a damper on things. Well, first things first, know that this is a completely normal thing to experience: around 57% of 18-24 year-olds experience some form of anxiety about the way their body looks. This isn’t something abnormal, nor is it something that should consume you.
Chances are if you’re insecure about something, so is your partner. Anyone, regardless of gender, can have body image issues. Your partner might worry that their breasts sag too much, or that their penis isn’t big enough, or that they forgot to shave their leg hair, or their stomach rolls or literally anything else.
If there’s something you’re worried about, tell your partner. Say something along the lines of “I’m insecure about my back rolls, so I’d rather lay on my back versus the alternative.” And if you’re on the receiving end of that conversation, be sure to listen.
Being heard is one of the most reassuring things you could do for someone anxious about their body. And if you’re the one expressing your insecurities, also make sure to listen to your partner! If your partner says that they find you hotter than the sun, let that absorb. Tell yourself that, even when the sex is long over and done.
Speaking of positive affirmation, one of the biggest ways you can decrease body insecurity in bed, as well as in general, is limiting or eliminating negative self-talk before, during, and after sex. Become aware of the little voice in your head that points out what’s “wrong” with you, and instead, focus that energy on something positive.
However, do not attach your self-worth to someone else. Example: My boyfriend thinks my boobs are great, so they must be great! Don’t do this! Believe that your boobs or butt or chin or thighs are great because you believe them to be great, not someone else.
If you find yourself becoming anxious during sex about the way you look, always remember to breathe. It’s perfectly normal for you to start strong and then start to fall off-track a little bit towards the middle or end. By asking your partner to slow down (or stop entirely if needed) and allow you to ground yourself in reality. Always remember to breathe, and always remember that you look amazing.
I hope this article was helpful for you or someone you know. I know what it’s like to struggle with body images issues. As a plus-sized person, we’re told we’re not attractive from a young age, whether it be by people we know or by societal body standards. But in the last few years, I’ve learned to come to terms with myself and realize that this is the skin I’m in, and I have to deal with it.
Maybe you have your own reasons for feeling insecure about yourself, and that’s okay. The key is not letting them consume you from the inside out and interfering to the point where you’re unable to be sexual solely because of how you look. It all starts with you.
